Child of God

distraction

2008-02-27T01:44:00.002-05:00

what is the difference,
between discipline
and punishment?
does one lack anger?
and the other purpose?
and how does one tell them apart?
is it perspective? or intent?

is one Hell-bent?
and the other Heaven sent?

or is one Wilderness?
and the other Emptiness?

somewhere in between?
or all together defined in an extreme?

these are questions I wish I could not claim
and had the faith to undefine "blame"

Identify by John Reuben

2008-02-06T08:17:00.000-05:00

Trained to fail before I could walk
Now I'm undoing 20 years of lies I've been taught
Not always easy let the past be forgot,
when memories keep you caught
Let's travel back, now hold up stop, why
Cuz if I dwell on the past I get focussed to who I'm not
I strive to stay away but that ain't easy
When who I was wants to control my destiny testing me
Man, it's got me tripping
its in these moments of despair I feel my foundation's slipping
Its starts ripping leaving me broken
Now I'm completely confused and I'm vulnerable and open
I try to run, but who am I running from?
See, what within myself this battle has come
So basically, You say it's up to me
Cuz I'm my greatest ally or my worst enemy

BRIDGE
I stepped out of my body to let God slide in
Although I'm still dressed in flesh I spiritually died in
Alive in Christ, a new creation started breathing
Life exists and through this came completion (x2)

CHORUS
Get your mind body and soul under control
Who am I? Identify
Who are You? All is new

I feel like my soul keeps challenging my spirit
And my spirit keeps challenging my soul
Which ever one I choose to excersize the most
Will be the one to obtain control
Man, I feel like I got multi-personalities
I dabble in multi-mentalities
My own thoughts hold me captive in a world of confusion
As the manipulation increases gradually
Now If a lies placed before me and I buy into it
Then am i responsible for the deception?
If I have no acceptance
Who's to blame for these feelings of rejection?
Man I bring these feelings of confusion
I challenge all that my heart believes
I'm the one that drags my past up from the grave
telling myself I wont succeed

BRIDGE and CHORUS

I'm not that person anymore!!!
Thats what blood was shed for,
NO LONGER A FAILURE!!!
Living life more abundantly,
Therefore you'll never see me living less than victory!!!!
(repeat)

Hot Liquids Release Potentially Harmful Chemicals in Polycarbonate Plastic Bottles

2008-01-31T21:13:00.001-05:00

Cincinnati—When it comes to Bisphenol A (BPA) exposure from polycarbonate plastic bottles, it’s not whether the container is new or old but the liquid’s temperature that has the most impact on how much BPA is released, according to University of Cincinnati (UC) scientists.

Scott Belcher, PhD, and his team found when the same new and used polycarbonate drinking bottles were exposed to boiling hot water, BPA, an environmental estrogen, was released 55 times more rapidly than before exposure to hot water.

“Previous studies have shown that if you repeatedly scrub, dish-wash and boil polycarbonate baby bottles, they release BPA. That tells us that BPA can migrate from various polycarbonate plastics,” explains Belcher, UC associate professor of pharmacology and cell biophysics and corresponding study author. “But we wanted to know if ‘normal’ use caused increased release from something that we all use, and to identify what was the most important factor that impacts release.”

“Inspired by questions from the climbing community, we went directly to tests based on how consumers use these plastic water bottles and showed that the only big difference in exposure levels revolved around liquid temperature: Bottles used for up to nine years released the same amount of BPA as new bottles.”

The UC team reports its findings in the Jan. 30, 2008 issue of the journal Toxicology Letters.

BPA is one of many man-made chemicals classified as endocrine disruptors, which alter the function of the endocrine system by mimicking the role of the body’s natural hormones. Hormones are secreted through endocrine glands and serve different functions throughout the body.

The chemical—which is widely used in products such as reusable water bottles, food can linings, water pipes and dental sealants—has been shown to affect reproduction and brain development in animal studies.

“There is a large body of scientific evidence demonstrating the harmful effects of very small amounts of BPA in laboratory and animal studies, but little clinical evidence related to humans,” explains Belcher. “There is a very strong suspicion in the scientific community, however, that this chemical has harmful effects on humans.”

Belcher’s team analyzed used polycarbonate water bottles from a local climbing gym and purchased new bottles of the same brand from an outdoor retail supplier.

All bottles were subjected to seven days of testing designed to simulate normal usage during backpacking, mountaineering and other outdoor adventure activities.

The UC researchers found that the amount of BPA released from new and used polycarbonate drinking bottles was the same—both in quantity and speed of release—into cool or temperate water.

However, drastically higher levels of BPA were released once the bottles were briefly exposed to boiling water.

“Compared to the rate of release from the same bottle, the speed of release was found to increase from 15 to 55 times faster,” explains Belcher.

Prior to boiling water exposure, the rate of release from individual bottles ranged from 0.2 to 0.8 nanograms per hour. After exposure, rates increased to 8 to 32 nanograms per hour.

Belcher stresses that it is still unclear what level of BPA is harmful to humans. He urges consumers to think about how cumulative environmental exposures might harm their health.

“BPA is just one of many estrogen-like chemicals people are exposed to, and scientists are still trying to figure out how these endocrine disruptors—including natural phyto-estrogens from soy which are often considered healthy—collectively impact human health,” he says. “But a growing body of scientific evidence suggests it might be at the cost of your health.”

UC graduate student Hoa Le and summer undergraduate research fellows Emily Carlson and Jason Chua also participated in this study, which was funded by a National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences grant.

For example:

2008-01-24T21:50:00.000-05:00

Or go here to view all of the files available to download.

bible study 1/24

bible study 1/17

bible study 1/10

As a Fool

2007-11-26T21:34:00.000-05:00

So many times I’ve taken part of a table
that I am unwelcome to be a part.

Not by flesh - but by heavenly bodies
have I been dispelled

On basis of imprudence,
disqualification has cast me blind.

For Discipline may not allow the fueling of Folly
from company contrary to my Foolish clingings.

Absence of dissonant company has been the only
blessing the Blind has bestowed upon kinship.

Here

2006-07-06T02:42:00.001-04:00

So we’ve come this far
Here we stand
Here we are

But
Where do we go from Here
What have we learned from Here
Did we grow to Here
Or did we just come to be Here

We know we need more than Here
Because we’ve been shown that we are not There

One Ghetto Metaphor

2006-07-06T02:42:00.000-04:00

Wastelands, cavities.
Peppered too coarsely , too densely.
Neglected, ignored like they’ll just go away.
Hidden and forgotten about on behalf of the minority.
And they fester, like an untreated wound.
Pockets of pain and desolation, left to war from within
So that they will not spill over into the precious pockets of pleasure.
Left to compete; to self-thin.
Only given enough help, so it doesn’t feel like a sin.

Conversation with a Tombstone

2006-07-06T02:41:00.000-04:00

It’s the first time
Since the first time, nine years ago

So many regrets, so many regrets
So many things I wish could be different

Biting my quaking lip
Despite so much to say
But I stay speechless, as the first time

It was here that I lost the privelage
Of taking my mother for-granted
It was here that my memory became unwanted

Still. So much to say:
I miss you
I hope you’re proud
I wish you could meet her
We’re having a child

My gut churns
My teeth grind
And I can’t stop begging the question
“Why Why Why”

Finding it hard to leave, (as hard as it is to stay)
As if this is one last time with her
So I can finally tell her goodbye

It’s hard to bear
That my words, she can’t really hear
Because I’m not speaking to hear my own voice
But so I might remember what hers’ sounded like

What I learned from a conversation with a tomb stone

2006-07-06T02:00:00.000-04:00

There is a part of me that never left this plot
I came back to find it, the other part of me
But all I found was a headstone where we layed my mother,
layed her to be

“You were only fourteen”, everyone tells me
“You have no reason, to continue your self-hatred”
But I know others, younger, who lost their mothers
Who didn’t turn out this way

But I learned the other part of me is her
And only deep inside myself, will she let me find her
For that is where she rests, not beneath this earth and grass.

another moment of depression

2006-02-07T00:44:00.000-05:00

"Weep! Weep!" my spirit sobs to me.
"But I cannot be weak!" is all I can excuse;
Brokeness is what I need, but what I ask for,
I fear to receive.
The weight of my burden, pushes me to my knees
(the only place that I can be set free);
I resist.
"No! Do not reveal that which I buried deep."
I fear to be discovered in the midst of my imminent break-down;
as if it were a black eye, that would never fade - always boasting my shame.
Yet there is One, who is always asking to see more of me;
for One claims, that inside me is glory, his story, his everything.

pickeled

2006-02-06T10:32:00.000-05:00

It is hard
And not to be taken lightly
It demands spirit and flesh alike
Half-hearted is not enough
For if you should,
an outcast will be your type.
“For there is always something in the way”
It is not what you know; it can give life
Or it can take it with a manner that causes scars.
It requires everything and accepts no less.
Entry is the point of no return - exit is still an option.

Untitled

2005-12-20T22:12:00.000-05:00

For the first time in my life, I have enemies (or at least, I am aware of my enemies). Enemies that, if given the chance, would seriously hurt me and possibly kill me. For the first time, I can relate with many of the Psalms that speak of being hunted, stalked, having enemies plotting your downfall. For so long, they felt so distant but now they feel so alive. The Psalms are even more than before, a source of tremendous comfort. I must learn to trust in God as David did, in spite of those lurking in the dark who would love to smash your face with a baseball bat, or the butt of a gun. For God has given us many promises of protection and providence that demand faith and trust in Him to be fulfilled. I have come to a place which is totally new to me. It is unknown, dangerous, scary territory yet it is fertile and has tremendous potential for LIFE. Life that this world does not offer. However, the cost for this life has never been so revealed to mine eyes. The demand for faith and trust, which are normally considered only an unnecessary luxury (even in a ‘relationship’ with God!) are thumping in my chest, bidding me to come. To come. To come to the abandon of one life for another. An exchange. An exchange for trust and faith in myself for trust, faith, and promise from the only one who has any to offer.

2005-11-28T16:06:00.000-05:00

Make me humble
Make me hungry
Make me thirsty
I want to be worthy of You

I am here, on my knees
I am begging, begging You please

Because I've done it again:
Drove a nail through your hand
Just as you were extending it to mine.

Please teach me Your voice
Please show me You're here with me
Please forgive me;
I don't have what it takes.

Simple Truth

2005-10-20T22:08:00.000-04:00

Who I am when I am without Him
Is who I hate to be
Its not that He makes things harder
But without Him, the harder things in this life will be.

Self Portrait

2005-10-20T22:02:00.000-04:00

Like a trash can I take in-
And never give up
I fill myself with trash
And only open up to spill my decay
For someone else to clean up

(Untitled)

2005-10-20T21:54:00.000-04:00

Under backdrop of moon, shooting-stars, and lightning strikes
We sat - like it wasn't really eight years past.

Like the waves stir the deep
So ours words stirred, and made us weak
Eroding our walls and dusting off
The very things we'd hidden, and hidden they wanted us to keep

But deep we did strike as the waves seemed
To pull our pretenses out to sea
And the tears began to flow
Like they had once, so long ago

Except this time was different.
Though the words translated the same
This time, the tears were healing
In an old conversation made new
In an old conversation long-overdue.

Knock, Knock

2005-10-09T12:06:00.000-04:00

Here I am Lord
Knocking on your door,
With my eyes studying the floor;
I'm trying once more.

Like a child, I struggle to find the words
As if they have to be perfect
For my voice to be heard.

To the best of my ability
I knock at your door
While I am afraid to find
Whether your eyes will meet mine.

I want to look you in the face
And know you.
To see you and be speechless,
As if in awe of the starlight.

Most of all I want to know
That the God I know is well, You, You know?

"For He whom I bow to, only knows to whom I bow.
When I attempt the ineffible name murmrring 'Thou'."

Rear View Mirror

2005-10-09T11:47:00.000-04:00

Rear view mirror
To the window of my life.
The mirror, in full view
Of my pains and my strife.

It shows me
A curvey, unlit highway
The one that's called the "My Way".
On which I have been riding;
On which I have been hiding.

Never really sure of which lane would suit my life;
Or even what I'm really like.

So in and out of the lanes I've weaved
Trying to discern reality
Trying to find the lane that leads
To the one that is straight and well-lit
To reveal to my eyes all the turns I've made
That just don't fit.

The lane that would unbind the bonds that bind me
And then leave them all behind me.

In the rear view mirror

A Summary

2005-10-06T13:37:00.000-04:00

I was tried by fire...
And I came out extra crispy.

8 Years of Hindsight

2005-09-29T21:29:00.000-04:00

I want it back
The time when She was
Too weak
To open her mouth,
To take a drink

I want it back
The couch
The chair
The half-hour that I
stared, stared, stared

I want it back
Her
S t r e t c h e d out and
limp
The silence,
the dim-darksuffocating living room

I want it back
The chance to fill my mother's last moments
With the sound of her only soun's voice
To make the choice
To not be silent; to make emotional noise

I want it back
The last time I went to bed
(With a mother)
The last time I said "Goodnight"
To my Mother

I want it back
The bitter end
To a bitter fight
To make less bitter
The memory of that merciless, haunting night(mare).

Return

2005-09-29T17:37:00.000-04:00

I want to set it free
Break its bonds;
Unleash it.

To exterminate the virus
Heal its eye;
To wake it from this perpetual dream.

To dust it off
And open it up;
And use it.

Where Do I Fit?

2005-09-25T12:12:00.000-04:00

"Where do I fit?!"
my flesh does cry.

"Not with them, nor there!"
my fear does reply,

"An outcast! A bore!
There is nothing,
that you are good for!"

So I seep in my shame.
Losing heart, losing life.

But slowly I hear the voice
of One with a voice more powerful
than the voice of Hate.
My Spirit cries on my behalf
to the one known as "Love".

Now from deep inside
I hear a different out-cry,
"How great is the love
lavished upon us that we
should be called children of God."

Then I remember where I belong;
In God's arms.